A Good Day to Die Hard

A Good Day to Die Hard, the latest film (and I use that term loosely here) from John Moore is without a doubt the WORST film of the year so far. Where I thought Broken City was an unmitigated, muddled mess of a film, this latest installment of the Die Hard franchise lowers that bar to the likes of which were at one point thought impossible. For that dubious achievement in modern film making, I don't give A Good Day to Die Hard ANY Killer Korn (a first in Killer Korn history).




First off I just want to say that I am sooooo very happy I did not pay to see this film. This is the second film this year I have not paid to see. The first was Django (which was a good call on my part), and this piece of crap, so as far as I am concerned, I am a genius that is two for two. Secondly, the person that got writer's credit for this so called movie needs to give his check back to the producers because in my estimation, a fifth grader could have wrote a better screenplay than this drivel. I actually yawned frequently while sitting there (I was also texting too, which I NEVER do), THAT'S how bad this movie was. Lastly, please, please, please, oh pretty please with whatever on top, please let this be the last Die Hard movie EVER made? I don't think we, the movie going public deserves to be fleeced like this. Times are hard and money is tight, making crap like this should be criminal, just criminal.

Starring as usual, Bruce Willis who reprises his role as the every man superman John McClane, he's accompanied be relative movie newcomer Jai Courtney (fresh off his turn as Jack Reacher's nemesis in Jack Reacher) who plays John's son Jack. Jack is CIA and is stationed in Russia, his mission is to get next to some political prisoner named Komarov, who's going to be in court for crimes against I don't know, humanity? Whatever, anyway, Jack kills a man at a nightclub, a crime that in no way should put him in the same courtroom at the same court time as this political prisoner, yet, there they are. Well John somehow hears his kid is in trouble for a really bad thing and decides to take some time off and head to Russia to be with his son. He's dropped at the airport by his daughter Lucy (who the previous crappy Die Hard movie was built around), played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead doing a brief cameo.

Now here's where it gets really interesting (or stupid, your call). John lands in mother Russia on the exact day his son is due in court, so John goes from airport to taxi to courthouse. No going to a hotel to shower, no napping off the jet lag, nope, John McClane is not like ordinary humans so it's straight to the courthouse. When he gets there, he starts to notice things in that patented McClane stare, eyeing everything suspiciously which is good I guess. The crap hits the fan, all hell breaks loose and Jack and Komarov are the ONLY two survivors of a massive three car convoy car bomb. Actually there were three survivors but he was badly wounded and then shot when the bad guys came through the massive holes in the walls looking for Komarov. Jack and Komarov however, not a scratch on them which I attribute to that McClane magic of never really getting hurt.

They run around, get outside to Jack's van, he somehow break the chain in their cuffs, and they drive off. Jack almost hits his dad who is standing in the middle of the street at the time. Now let's recap, John hears son is jail in Russia for murder, flies all the way to Moscow, lands on the very day his son is to appear in court, gets to courthouse just in time for the big bang and somehow or another runs smack dab into his son as they try to flee police and the bad guys. And someone got paid to write that. Unreal.

The rest of the movie is chock full of bad dialogue, massive destruction, political intrigue, more bad guys than you can shake a stick at, and Chernobyl. Yeah, you read that right, I said Chernobyl because what movie that involves Russia these days DOESN'T include that irradiated wasteland? This movie is just bad all around and on every level. It tries to be funny but it just turns out to be sad. It's a complete waste of time and money which is why the studio thought that releasing it on Valentines day would be a great idea. Market it as a date movie because that's really the only way anyone would pay to see it. If that's the case then it's the worlds absolute worst date film in the history of date films. If I were you, I would wait for the DVD, and that's only if you need more coasters for your drinks. Skip this movie, act like it doesn't even exist, see something else, and I'll see you at the theater.