A Good Day to Die Hard

A Good Day to Die Hard, the latest film (and I use that term loosely here) from John Moore is without a doubt the WORST film of the year so far. Where I thought Broken City was an unmitigated, muddled mess of a film, this latest installment of the Die Hard franchise lowers that bar to the likes of which were at one point thought impossible. For that dubious achievement in modern film making, I don't give A Good Day to Die Hard ANY Killer Korn (a first in Killer Korn history).




First off I just want to say that I am sooooo very happy I did not pay to see this film. This is the second film this year I have not paid to see. The first was Django (which was a good call on my part), and this piece of crap, so as far as I am concerned, I am a genius that is two for two. Secondly, the person that got writer's credit for this so called movie needs to give his check back to the producers because in my estimation, a fifth grader could have wrote a better screenplay than this drivel. I actually yawned frequently while sitting there (I was also texting too, which I NEVER do), THAT'S how bad this movie was. Lastly, please, please, please, oh pretty please with whatever on top, please let this be the last Die Hard movie EVER made? I don't think we, the movie going public deserves to be fleeced like this. Times are hard and money is tight, making crap like this should be criminal, just criminal.

Starring as usual, Bruce Willis who reprises his role as the every man superman John McClane, he's accompanied be relative movie newcomer Jai Courtney (fresh off his turn as Jack Reacher's nemesis in Jack Reacher) who plays John's son Jack. Jack is CIA and is stationed in Russia, his mission is to get next to some political prisoner named Komarov, who's going to be in court for crimes against I don't know, humanity? Whatever, anyway, Jack kills a man at a nightclub, a crime that in no way should put him in the same courtroom at the same court time as this political prisoner, yet, there they are. Well John somehow hears his kid is in trouble for a really bad thing and decides to take some time off and head to Russia to be with his son. He's dropped at the airport by his daughter Lucy (who the previous crappy Die Hard movie was built around), played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead doing a brief cameo.

Now here's where it gets really interesting (or stupid, your call). John lands in mother Russia on the exact day his son is due in court, so John goes from airport to taxi to courthouse. No going to a hotel to shower, no napping off the jet lag, nope, John McClane is not like ordinary humans so it's straight to the courthouse. When he gets there, he starts to notice things in that patented McClane stare, eyeing everything suspiciously which is good I guess. The crap hits the fan, all hell breaks loose and Jack and Komarov are the ONLY two survivors of a massive three car convoy car bomb. Actually there were three survivors but he was badly wounded and then shot when the bad guys came through the massive holes in the walls looking for Komarov. Jack and Komarov however, not a scratch on them which I attribute to that McClane magic of never really getting hurt.

They run around, get outside to Jack's van, he somehow break the chain in their cuffs, and they drive off. Jack almost hits his dad who is standing in the middle of the street at the time. Now let's recap, John hears son is jail in Russia for murder, flies all the way to Moscow, lands on the very day his son is to appear in court, gets to courthouse just in time for the big bang and somehow or another runs smack dab into his son as they try to flee police and the bad guys. And someone got paid to write that. Unreal.

The rest of the movie is chock full of bad dialogue, massive destruction, political intrigue, more bad guys than you can shake a stick at, and Chernobyl. Yeah, you read that right, I said Chernobyl because what movie that involves Russia these days DOESN'T include that irradiated wasteland? This movie is just bad all around and on every level. It tries to be funny but it just turns out to be sad. It's a complete waste of time and money which is why the studio thought that releasing it on Valentines day would be a great idea. Market it as a date movie because that's really the only way anyone would pay to see it. If that's the case then it's the worlds absolute worst date film in the history of date films. If I were you, I would wait for the DVD, and that's only if you need more coasters for your drinks. Skip this movie, act like it doesn't even exist, see something else, and I'll see you at the theater.

Side Effects

Side Effects, the latest film by Steven Soderburgh is an unexpected thrill ride. It has moments in it that you really couldn't see coming, no matter how hard you looked. It can come at times as a stylized infomercial on the horrors of prescribed anti-depressant narcotics. Thankfully those moments don't last long and because of that, I give Side Effects two buckets of Killer Korn.





Side Effects can seem like a movie that's taking advantage of the craze that is the glut of prescription drugs, and the side effects that may come with them. However, Side Effects is a witty, intelligent movie, complete with double crosses and back stabbings. It stars Channing Tatum who plays Martin Taylor. Martin has just been released from jail for insider trading which is something to pay attention. He's picked up from the prison gates and taken home by his wife, Emily Taylor who is played with cunning effectiveness by Rooney Mara. Emily is a wreck and one day crashes her car into a brick wall for no reason. It's at the hospital where she meets Jude law's character, the too smart for his own good Dr. Jonathan Banks. He wants to admit Emily but she just wants to go home. They compromise and she agrees to become a patient of the hospital's psychiatrist, seeing him multiple times during the week.

While in the good doctors care, Dr Banks wants to see the notes from Emily's last doctor, Dr. Victoria Siebert played by the amazingly beautiful Catherin Zeta-Jones. It's at that meeting does this movie begins to get rolling along. Dr. Banks has poor depressed Emily on all sorts of anti-depressants and she suffers her side effects from them rather publicly. She breaks down in public, she sleepwalks, she can't seem to hold it together in any way and when her husband tells her that they might have to relocate to Houston, that seems to be Emily's breaking point. One day, after shopping for her husband, Emily is home cooking dinner and sets the table, for three. When Martin walks in and sees the table, he immediately blames the pills and heads into the kitchen to talk to his wife. She then turns and calmly does something so unbelievably tragic and then goes to bed.

Her defense for the crime are the pills she's taking of course, the pills Dr Banks has her on at Emily's request. Well from there, things go from bad to worse for Dr. Banks. Emily does no jail time and is instead put under psychiatric watch for the time being. The case though turns Dr. Banks into a pariah and loses him his practice, his fiance, stepson, and almost his mind. That is until he figures it all out, which happened far too fact and far too easily in my opinion. He's not accidentally directed to the answer by a friend in passing or he overhears a conversation that makes him question everything. Nope, he just one day has an epiphany and voila, there's the answer and once he feels he is on the right track of exoneration, he's like a dog with a bone who refuses to give it up.

The movie was written by Scott Z. Burns and for the most part, I give him a thumbs up. The problem with this movie, and potentially the story lies in two parts. One is what I just described above, about Dr. Banks finding the answer too easily, the second is the casting. It is a very talented cast and they all do exceptional work, especially Rooney Mara, the problem is in my opinion is Catherine Zeta-Jones. She's a fine actress, don't think for a minute that I am saying she's horrible, what I am saying is for the role of Dr. Victoria Siebert, Catherine was the wrong choice. Dr. Siebert's character should have been far more frumpy, far more ordinary than the beautiful Jones. In the movie, they want you too believe that some man dumps her for a younger woman when in reality no man would kick Catherine out of bed for any reason. And the crazy notion of a love affair between her and Emily is so far fetched it's hard to swallow.

Still, Side Effects is a good movie with a cautionary tale and it has moments of The Usual Suspects in it, you just have to pay attention, well not really since Soderbergh basically spells everything out in the end for you. Shot by Soderbergh, it has a great look, very clean, sparse but not cold, and it's very stylized. All the people are beautiful and they all dress really nicely. There's not much grit or grime to this movie but I guess that's the world of medical professionals. It's scored brightly and ominously by Thomas Newman and it's a pretty good marriage. The bright music brings out the darkness and hopelessness in the story more than you would think and it's a job well done. Now I heard a rumor than this was Soderbergh's last film and if it is his swan song, it's not a bad way to go out. Check it out and I will see you at the theater!

Beautiful Creatures

Beautiful Creatures, the latest film from director Richard LaGravenese is a smartly written and well put together film. What could have descended into a Twilight-esque type movie, Creatures stayed just above that morass and instead delivered entertainment worthy of the price of admission. Because of that, I give Beautiful Creatures three buckets of Killer Korn.

Adapted from the young adult novel written by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl, Beautiful Creatures is a story of a 15 year old girl named Lena Duchannes. Lena, played by the brooding Alice Englert comes from a family of "casters" (they prefer that to the usual "witches" and "warlocks") and Lena's mother Serafine is one of the most powerful casters around. Serafine is played by the amazingly talented Emma Thompson and surprisingly this role fits her perfectly. She and the magical Viola Davis who plays Amma are two of the three main reasons I bought a ticket to see this film. The third was because of Jeremy Irons, who plays Lena's uncle, the all powerful Macon Ravenwood (who's a BIG fan of google by the way). With a cast like that, I really didn't care that this was taken from a young adult novel which centered around a crazy love story between two high school aged kids (really not my usual kinds of movies), I just had to see those three actors on the screen together.

The love story I mentioned is between Lena and Ethan Wate, played by the charming Alden Ehrenreich. For months he's been dreaming about this girl that he's drawn to, he knows he shouldn't go to her, he knows harm would befall him, yet he goes to her unafraid. Just when he gets to her though, she vanishes. Now Ethan is your typical High School junior who happens to live in small Gatlin, South Carolina. He's respectful but hard headed, social but an outsider, a follower who most times marches to the beat of his own drum. He reads books that have been banned by the local churches and his on again/off again girlfriend is a true believer whereas Ethan...not so much. Ethan's mother died a year ago and his father can't seem to get it together to even leave his room which gives Ethan carte blanche to pretty much do what he wants. To keep him in line though is Amma, who was Ethan's mother's best friend. Amma promised Ethan's mother that she would look after both Ethan and his dad should something happen to her and that's just what she does. She pretty much comes across as Ethan's hands off mom, asking him about colleges and girlfriends while supplying the men with food from time to time.

Ethan meets Lena on the first day of school and with Lena coming from a family that many in the community believe or Satan worshippers, she's not shown that famous southern hospitality. Lena lashes out and Ethan is instantly drawn to this girl and she is reluctantly drawn to him. Their romance happens a bit quickly but Lena tells Ethan that she's been dreaming of him too, which lends some credibility to their quick romance. Lena also has to deal with her impending birthday in which female casters become either light or dark casters depending on their true nature. Lena wants to be light but the choice is not hers, it's her souls choice to make and that has her worried. Lena's cousin Ridley, played with such evil playfulness by Emmy Rossum has come to town to help make sure Lena goes dark and has sided with Lena's mother to ensure it.

The story takes an odd turn and simply must be seen to be believed and enjoyed and you will NOT see the ending coming, unless you've read the books. Yes, I said books, four in total. So you can best believe that if Beautiful Creatures does any kind of real business at the box office, there will be more movies. I know, I know what you're thinking but don't fret because while this movie does have a slight Twilight/Harry Potter tinge to it, it is its own animal. Richard LaGravenese has done a terrific job of keeping this from going down those roads. The music which was drowned out throughout much of the film was by thenewno2 and it didn't impress. It was dull and without any real impact in my opinion. That being said, with it's great cast and beautiful backdrop (the film was shot in Louisiana) shot by cinematographer Philippe Rousselot, and original storyline, Beautiful Creatures will not disappoint so check it out, if for no other reason than to see Jeremy, Viola, and Emma on screen together. And I'll see you at the theater.

Top Gun in IMAX

Last year during the Summer, Paramount chose to see fit to re-release Raiders of the Lost Ark back in the theaters for a week, in IMAX format no less. I rushed to the theater to check it out because how could I not. They've done it again, this time it was the paradigm shifting, testosterone heavy Top Gun. Yes it was in IMAX format, but that's not all, it was also in 3D! Now I have often stated here on my blog that 3D is usually a complete waste of money, but I didn't give a damn about that when I bought my ticket and hightailed it to the theater.

It had been years since I saw this movie in the theater, which was made painfully clear when the credits appeared. Two of the three men responsible for bring this film to life are now dead, producer Don Simpson and director Tony Scott. I must say this though, Top Gun, in IMAX, with it's eardrum blasting sound of jet fighters streaking across the screen, hasn't lost a damn thing. It still has that ability to make your pulse quicken. I know it had my younger brother on the edge of his seat. For me, it brought me back to feeling like that twelve year old kid again, when the movie theater was my sanctuary, the bucket of popcorn was bigger than me, and those characters on the screen were my friends.

It was great seeing Maverick and Goose back on the big screen again and I recommend seeing them like that again if you can, as soon as you can. It's only in the theaters for one week and while the ticket price is a bit extreme, I firmly believe it's worth every penny. To whoever thought to re-release this movie again in IMAX, all I can say is thank you from the bottom of my twelve year old heart.

Warm Bodies

Warm Bodies, the new film by director Jonathan Levine is not just absolutely hilarious, but also incredibly timely on all fronts. It had me literally laughing out loud at times, thankfully the rest of the theater was laughing along, so I wasn't really disturbing anyone. I highly recommend Warm Bodies and I give it three and a half buckets of Killer Korn.





Seriously, I needed something to wash the taste of Broken City from my mouth and wipe it from my mind. Thankfully there was Warm Bodies coming around the corner. When I saw this trailer, I couldn't wait to see this movie and let me tell you, BEST ZOMBIE FILM EVER! Yes, I know that's really high praise when you think of the hordes of zombie films that have been made throughout time, but unlike any of those, this zombie film has a timely moral at its center. Adapted from the book by Isaac Marion, who also wrote the screenplay with Jonathan Levine, Warm Bodies takes place at the end of the world as we know it, yeah just like every other zombie apocalypse film, except this time the focus is on the zombies and on one zombie in particular. His name is R who is played by the About a Boy star Nicholas Hoult. We follow R as he goes about his day while living in the airport and the voice over narration is hilarious. He lives in a plane, has a great vinyl record collection, and he's basically a hoarder.

You meet R's best friend and fellow zombie, M who is played by the charming Rob Corddry, and you can't help but laugh at their interactions. One day, R and M are hanging out at the airport bar and they're hungry so they put a pack together and go hunting for food. At the same time, a band of what you would think were well trained, well armed humans are outside of the walls scavenging for medical supplies. Part of the pack of humans is Julie, played by Teresa Palmer, Nora who's played by the odd but cute Analeigh Tipton, and Perry, Julie's ex who's played by David Franco (and yes before you ask, he is the younger brother of actor James Franco). The pack of humans get attacked when R and company smell them. During the fight, R sees Julie and it's love at first sight for him and all the world is lovely, until he's shot by Perry, which is a bad move. Julie runs out of ammo and is basically a sitting meal for the zombies, but R saves her and brings her back to his plane at the zombie infested airport.

His internal dialogue is spot on funny as R comes across as a love struck teenager with company in his room. Julie of course is freaking out but she slowly begins to realize that R has her best interests at heart, as he does everything he can to not be creepy. Looking for Julie is her father Grigio, played with no humor at all by the great John Malkovich. Grigio is the head man in charge of the humans fight to stay alive which has driven a wedge between him and his daughter. When Julie and R get separated and she's safely back behind the wall, she finds herself missing her zombie boyfriend and R, armed with a Polaroid of Julie misses her just as much. The two of them, their connection has started something within the zombie community that has reawakened them, its sparked their humanity and that's the moral of this story.

There's a scene where R is walking through the airport and longs for some kind of connection. He wonders what it was like back in the day before the plague hit when people could connect with each other, spend time together, and just enjoy one anothers company. The image around him flashes back to a time when the airport was full of travelers and it shows no one connecting. There was no human contact of any kind because everyone was either on their phones, texting, reading a text, staring at their laptops or tablets. Basically the time R longs for never really existed, but that connection makes a comeback thanks to him and Julie. With no Internet, no cell phones, or other devices that individualizes us, all we can do is connect with one another. In fact, we are forced to in order to survive.

Now I have been a fan of Jonathan Levine's since his really cool 2008 film, The Wackness (which I highly recommend). He nailed it then and he's done it again. Warm Bodies is a really good film, a sort of zom-rom-com if you will (I think I should copyright that phrase) with a message that would should put down the phones and the laptops/tablets, back away from the computers and turn off the ipods every now and then and just enjoy one another while we still can, before death or the end of the world happens. Check out Warm Bodies for sure, you will not be sorry and I will see you at the theater!

Broken City

Broken City, the latest offering from Albert Hughes is an unmitigated, muddled mess of a film. He tried to deliver a political thriller something akin to All The President's Men and he failed on just about every level. Because of that, Broken City gets half a bucket of Killer Korn.




To say I was reluctant to see Broken City is an understatement. The reasons have to deal with two people in particular and they are the director Albert Hughes and Mark Wahlberg. Why those two? Simple, first off Albert Hughes was one half of the team that brought you the wretched Mad Max wannabe film The Book of Eli with Denzel Washington. When that movie ended I seriously wanted my money back. It took everything I had not to hunt down the manager and demand a damn refund. The second reason has to do with someone who clearly has no acting talent to speak of. Mark Wahlberg would have a hard time acting as a mime if he stood still. In this movie, like all of his others he blesses you with two facial expressions, complete bewilderment or absolute anger, there is little to nothing in between those two emotions. The sad part about that is his character is a great role and were it in the hands of someone with some kind of screen charm, it would have been a far better movie.

(Marky) Mark Wahlberg was surround with a stellar cast, and I mean STELLAR. Russell Crowe plays the Mayor of New York as Nicholas Hostetler, Catherin Zeta-Jones plays his wife Cathleen, the amazingly talented Jeffery Wright plays Police Chief Carl Fairbanks, Barry Pepper plays Senator Jack Valliant who is running against Hostetler is a heating campaign for Hosteteler's seat. Rounding out the amazing cast is the extremely talented Michael Beach, Kyle Chandler, and the lovely Natalie Martinez, and Alona Tal. This cast is chock full of truly talented people who do their best to make this film just watchable, let alone understandable. Their efforts were in complete vain. This film made no sense from top to bottom.

Mark's character, Billy Taggart was once a cop but was involved in a shooting. He was cleared but the people wanted some justice so he was fired from the force, which rarely happens but whatever. Someone came forward with evidence that would send Taggart to jail but the Mayor himself intervenes and sits on the evidence, which again while I'm sure has happened before, rarely does. Seven years later Billy is now a private investigator which still allows him to utilizes his skills as a detective but he's a horrible debt collector so the pennies are tight. One day he gets summoned by Nicky the Mayor to find out with whom his wife is sleeping with for the lovely sum of fifty thousand dollars, twenty five up front and the rest on delivery of proof. Billy jumps at the money with no second guess, which as a cop you would think he would wonder why the Mayor would want him for this assignment, but nope. He takes the money, follows the Mayors wife, takes his pictures and turns them in even after Cathleen asks him not to.

The entire movie revolves around a 4 Billion dollar land grab for a housing project. The movie is a real estate land grab political thriller and those NEVER work. This talented cast has a hard time holding this horrible film together. There are unresolved story lines a plenty, unresolved matters of the heart, and questions regarding some characters interactions with each other. It's almost impossible for me to wonder how someone could have read this script and not voiced some concerns, unless the most important key elements of the story are on the editing room floor somewhere. The one thing I will say about Broken City is it has a great score. Oscar award winner Atticus Ross, along with Claudia Sarne, and Leopold Ross have together crafted a dark and tense score that's pretty much wasted on this film. The music however does have the ability to stand on it's own, which is a testament to how good it really is. I wish I could say the same about this movie, but I can't. Unless you are a diehard Mark Wahlberg fan (which I really don't understand) then you will enjoy Broken City. If you aren't, then I suggest you do not waste your time or your money. Skip this, see something else and I'll see you at the theater.    

Hansel & Gretel

Hansel & Gretel, the latest movie from director Tommy Wirkola is an interesting film. It's an intriguing take on the classic childhood fable of the two little children lost in the woods only to be found by a witch that lives in a house made of candy. This movie takes off where that fable ends, and it's done in a rather impressive way, therefore I give Hansel & Gretel two and a half buckets of Killer Korn.




Going into this movie I really thought it was going to suck. Seriously, after buying my ticket I thought "Welp, there goes $13.50 down the drain...let's go get some popcorn." Surprisingly though, Hansel & Gretel impressed me. I wasn't all that enthused by the cast when I first saw the trailer. Jeremy Renner playing Hansel and Gemma Arterton playing his sister did NOT excite me. Mainly because Gemma is from the UK and has a distinct accent, while Jeremy, her supposed brother is from wonderful Modesto, California. I wondered with a smile just how the producers and the director was going to work that little issue out. Come to find out Gemma is decent at hiding or masking her accent. She still sounds nothing like a California girl (I wish they all could be) but it's not as bad as one would imagine. Secondly, the story about two kids lost in the woods who kill a witch who lives in a house made of candy doesn't quite thrill, but I sat my butt in that seat and shoveled some killer korn in my mouth and watched. What I saw wasn't at all that bad.

The story starts off with or course,  Hansel & Gretel being left in the woods by their father. You have no idea why they are, and there father never returns for them like he said he would. They are on their own and since they are both tired and hungry, they wander the forest until the come upon a house made of candy. They knock but no one answers so they start to eat the candy, that's when the doors open and the witch inside plans to cook and eat them. Gretel fights back while Hansel is being fattened up for cooking. Needless to say, the siblings fight, they win, and they burn the witch alive. Fast forward to many years later, and now Hansel and his sister Gretel are with hunters. They go from town to town, rescuing the children that were taken and destroying the witch responsible and they are very successful at it.

They are called into this little town by the Mayor, played by Rainer Bock much to the chagrin of the sheriff, played by Peter Stormare. He wants to hunt down and kill the witches himself but he takes a backseat to the dynamic duo of witch slayers. They come into town just in the nick of time to save the lovely Mina, played by Pihla Viitala. She's about to be burned at the stake for being accused as a witch. What she is is actually the emotional core of the movie. The movie also stars Famke Jensen (of who I am a huge fan) who plays Muriel, the head witch. She and two cohorts are kidnapping children, 6 boys and 6 girls. Each kidnapped child is born on a different month in the year because according to witch lore, during a blood moon, if these children are sacrificed then witches can be unharmed by fire ever again. It would render them almost invincible.

Throughout the movie, the witches magic works on everyone BUT Hansel & Gretel which is why they are so brave in going after witches, you find out why as the movie tells of their childhood. I won't give any plot points away but I will say this, it is a very interesting story twist. It's one you can almost see coming but it's told in such a way that just...makes sense. Hansel & Gretel are also joined by their biggest fan on the hunt for Muriel, his name is Ben who's played by Thomas Mann. He's fresh off his turn in two teenage party movies, Project X and Fun Size and honestly, he feels out of place here. Now I saw the movie in 2D instead of 3D and I would recommend 2D because 3D looks like it would be super corny. Besides, a 3D ticket is more expensive and not really worth it. Not in this case anyway.

The films look is cheesy but you get pass that, the acting is a bit over the top but you can get pass that as well. The score by Atli Orvasson and overseen by Hans Zimmer, while boring most of the time does have its moments that really works well with the film. All in all, Hansel & Gretel isn't a bad film, and if it does any real recouping at the box office, you can look forward to a sequel. And maybe that's when they will fill in some of the gaping plot holes in this film. If you can overlook those, and you will, then Hansel & Gretel might just be worth your dollar and I'll see you at the theater.