Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

This movie brings to mind three very unflattering words for a movie. Actually they are pretty unflattering words no matter what you use them for. They are contrived, uninspired, and boring which is exactly what this movie was. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides lacked in everything that pretty much makes a decent movie BUT it did keep up the traditions of all the other Pirate movies that came before it and, a convoluted plot. Not to mention some pretty horrible acting. This may be the number one movie at the box office right now but it will NOT be for long. I don't see how it could be after what I just saw.

Directed by a man who has had NO experience with this kind of film should have given me pause. Due to the magnificent job Kenneth Branagh did with Thor (plus not having much else to do today) I went in hopeful. Rob Marshall who directed the critically acclaimed Chicago, the controversial Memoirs of a Geisha, and the atrocious Nine that was his last film was responsible for this Pirates installment. So by my count that's two really bad films in a row regardless of how much money it makes. Honestly, if you put Johnny Depp in any film it's bound to be somewhat successful (see Sweeney Todd). This movie lacks what the first Pirates movie possessed in spades and that was charm.

The lack of charm though is shocking when you look at the cast surrounding Depp. The beautiful (and pregnant at the time) Penelope Cruz, the amazing Geoffrey Rush, Ian McShane, and reprising his role as Captain Jack Sparrows father Keith Richards. Now outside of Keith that's an award winning cast who has done amazing work in their day but they slept walked through this project. The phrase "going through the motions" definitely come to mind. Marshall tried to recapture the sword fighting magic of the first film and fell short, woefully so.

The movie opens with some old man pulled out of the ocean by a fishing boat and immediately whisked off to be seen by the King of Spain. Makes sense to you? Me neither. This Spaniard King then sends an armada out to find the fountain of youth and when the Brits here this they send their own man out to find it first. That man is the legendary Captain Barbosa, now in the employ of the Crown. Also on the case is the most feared Pirate (or so you are to believe) on the high seas Captain Blackbeard. Where was he in the last two crappy Pirate offerings is never explained but why quibble with details? So it's a race now to the fountain of youth and let me just say I never new mermaids were such vicious creatures.

The dialogue was contrived and lacking in any real humor. Don't get me wrong, there were funny moments but they were few and far in between. That didn't keep the makers from trying really hard to make you laugh though. As everyone knows however the harder you try to make someone laugh the less funny you are. The one decent thing about this movie was the music. This time around the score was again composed and executed by the award winning Hans Zimmer so the sense of musical continuity is intact. Is that enough to warrant spending the money on a ticket for this film? Hardly! So in my opinion I would wait for the DVD and I'm talking about the bootleg variety. See you at the theater!