The Descendants

I had originally thought the absolute worse film of this year (2011) was Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. Like I stated, that film lacked every ingredient a film would need to be even halfway decent. Well after what I was just subjected to, Pirates has some serious competition. The movie is called The Descendants and it stars George Clooney who plays Matt King. Matt is your average, middle aged, run of the mill lawyer living on one of the islands off of Hawaii. He's the father of two incredibly disrespectful daughters and the husband to a wife who is currently in a coma. This god awful film will take away at least an hour and a half out of your life that you will regret giving up, I assure you.

Now George has had some vanity projects before (see Solaris) but this one takes the cake. He is virtually almost every shot in this film. If you like George and you think he's hot then you should definitely see this movie. Not only is he in damn near every shot but his close-ups are SO close at times that you can see his pores. Directed by Alexander Payne, the man behind the camera of such disturbing yet likable fares like Sideways and About Schmidt, The Descendants doesn't seem to know what story it wants to tell so it falls completely flat.

It doesn't know if it wants to tell the story of how an absentee father now tasked with the job of raising two daughters alone copes with that responsibility. It doesn't know if it wants to tell the story of how the descendants of King Kamehameha are in line to sell a huge chunk of land on one of the islands to some developers and how Matt has the final say over who they sell too. It doesn't know if it wants to tell the story of a grieving husband who finds out from his oldest daughter that his wife was cheating on him and was about to ask him for a divorce before some tragic boating accident put her in a coma. This movies doesn't know if it wants to be a comedy or a drama and because of it's lack of direction this movie has some severe lack of impact on you the viewer.

Also starring in Clooney's vanity project are Shailene Woodley who plays his oldest daughter Alexander King, Amara Miller who plays the younger daughter Scottie King, Patricia Hastie who does no acting at all. She just layed around on set playing the comatose wife and mother. You see her only once doing something in this movie and that was in the absolute beginning of the movie, even before Clooney's voice over begins. Oh you thought I was joking when I called this one of Clooney's biggest vanity projects. Not only is he in every shot but he speaks throughout the film as well. The rest of the cast in this complete waste of time isn't really important.

The movie opens up with the cheating wife in a boat and that fades out and then you hear George before seeing him. He talks about how people who don't know any better think that living in Hawaii is paradise and how living there must be great. As if the cancer on Hawaii and the surrounding islands isn't as fatal and the heartbreak isn't as painful. He goes on to say "fuck paradise" and YET paradise is pretty much all you see for the rest of the movie. I don't know how hard it is to make Hawaii and it's neighboring islands look less like paradise but if you open up with "fuck paradise" and then that's all you show, how is anyone going to take you seriously?

The music is annoying at times unless you like Hawaiian music and can understand the language. It's way too much ukulele and moaning if you ask me which detracts from the drama and doesn't add to the comedy or something like that. This movie was touted as an Oscar contender and was believed to bring Clooney his second Oscar but this film is garbage and if he even gets nominated, let alone beat out Leonardo Dicaprio then there is something seriously rotten in Denmark. I wish I knew what movie those people went to see because it sounds like a good one. They certainly didn't see THIS one.

Do yourselves a favor and act like this movie doesn't even exist, you'll be doing yourself a favor and saving an hour and a half of your life.