Premium Rush

If you like films from the 80's or films about bicycles or films about bike messengers then Premium Rush is a film for you (no punctuation, can't stop, don't want to). Now, if you don't give a damn about any of that and you hope there's a good story pushing this movie along, stop reading right now and go to my next blog entry because while Premium Rush is heavy on the "rush", it's feather light on the story. Actually the story borders on the "give me a damn break" side of things but I'll get into that later. This movie makes it official though, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, that little, odd looking kid from the show 3rd Rock From the Sun is now officially a star. Why is that you ask? What makes me say that you ponder? It's real simple, his face is in practically every scene of Premium Rush. Basically, it's his vanity project and only "stars" get those (see Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, Will Smith, Tom Hanks...I could go on and on but you get the gist). And much to his credit, when Joseph is not on the screen, this movie lags.

The movie lags because Joseph's character Wilee is hardly ever off his bike, a one gear, no brake, no coasting, two wheeled beast and that means the action is fast paced. It's when the movie slows down to walking speed (which means very little Wilee to watch dodge cars and people and the police) is when this movie falls apart. And you would think with such a convoluted plot that there would be some meat on this bone, alas you would be incorrect my movie going friend. The story comes down to this, Wilee and his girlfriend Vanessa, played by the amazingly alluring Dania Ramirez are fighting. Why? Simple, Vanessa and her roommate Nima, played by the equally beautiful Jamie Chung are having a falling out. Vanessa has to relocate and Wilee, ever the gentleman offers to let her stay with him and of course Vanessa takes umbrage to that. Wille feels somewhat responsible though since he introduced the young ladies to each other. Nima works at Columbia University (along with a couple of other gigs) and is stashing money away. On the other side of town there's this cop Bobby Monday, played by the talented (and I guess beautiful, you know...to his loved ones) Michael Shannon with a serious gambling problem (still with me?).

I know, I know, you're asking "Dude, what the hell does all of that have to do with bike messaging?" My response, not a whole hell of a lot but wait, there's more. Bobby is so deep in debt to the Chinese mob that he's on the verge of being killed, until a little bird tells him about this magic ticket worth fifty grand. He's told if he gets that ticket all his debts will be paid. Well wouldn't you know it, the ticket belongs to Nima and it needs to go from pretty much one end of Manhattan to the other and it has to be there by 7pm. It can only be handed to Sister Chen and no one else. Now just can Nima get to make such a delivery, maybe the threepeat champion best bike messenger in the city, Wilee. Now why is this tick worth fifty grand, you ask? It's the price of admission for someone on the other side of the world to ride to America. Needless to say, the story did not only underwhelm me but it flat out disappointed me.

So, in summation, if you like those films from the 80's or films about bicycles or you have just been fascinated by bike messengers then you are the demographic the producers were aiming for. If you don't fall into ANY of those catagories, and you don't love Joseph Gordon-Levitt then skip Premium Rush and stand in line for something else and I'll see you at the theater.

Robot & Frank

If you are looking for a charming, heart warming, independent (aka low budget) film to see then let me recommend Robot & Frank. When I saw the trailer about a month before this movie opened I thought it looked cute and quite possibly worth seeing, I love it when I'm right. Robot & Frank stars coincidentally enough, Frank Langella as Frank, a dotty old crook who does or doesn't have Alzheimer's. I have to tell you, I'm still not certain he does or doesn't and I think the movie should have made that a lot clearer unless they were aiming for ambiguity. If that is the case the BRAVO! Job well done. The film also stars James Marsden as Hunter, the frustrated son of Frank, Live Tyler as Franks flighty, robot mistrusting daughter Madison, Susan Sarandon who plays Jennifer, the local librarian and Franks love interest, and Peter Sarsgaard as the voice of Robot.

Written by Christopher D. Ford and directed by Jake Schreier, Robot and Frank takes place in the near future in some little bucolic upstate NY town. Frank lives on his own and wouldn 't have it any other way. He lives like a slob and he seems fine with that. Every week Hunter makes the long drive up to see about his dad but the travel and worry is getting to him. So much so that he buys his dad his own personal robotic assistant. Robot's main objective is to get Frank up and moving again, to get him to live a healthy lifestyle, to eat better, and find something Frank can focus on, like a hobby. Frank thinks the damn thing is going to kill him in his sleep and besides, Frank is more interested in getting to know Jennifer better than eating healthy and starting a garden anyway. Jennifer's library is going all digital thanks to the times and they are closing the place down and those responsible are throwing a party that Jennifer invites Frank to. Once there he figures out the perfect hobby for him and Robot to indulge in.

Frank is a retired "second story man", a cat burglar who spent quite a few years in jail for the crimes he's committed but he's decided to break out the tools of the trade and get back in the game. Robot does it's best to talk Frank out of training him to pick locks and crack safes but Frank wouldn't hear of it and the two of them make a deal. Suddenly, much to the shock of Hunter and the horror of Madison, Frank and Robot become the best of pals and their banter is hilarious at times. Like I stated, the movie is charming and though I've never really been a Frank Langella fan, he is fantastic in this movie. If you love him already then this is a must see. If you are a casual fan, like me then he'll impress you with his performance.

Much like the movie, the music by Francis and the Lights is breezy and fun with interesting melodies. It's perfect for the story and doesn't get in the way of any of the performances. I enjoyed this movie so much that if I live long enough, I will have to get me a personal robotic assistant myself. Unlike Frank though, I'll name mine. Go see this film before the big fall and winter movies open, you won't be sorry and I'll see you at the theater.

The Bourne Legacy

Have you ever watched a trailer and thought, "Hey, that looks pretty good. I might have to check that out." And you do only to find out you saw all the best scenes in the trailer? Has that ever happened to you? I know it's happened to me more than I care to count but we can add one more movie to that old bait & switch list. The Bourne Legacy belongs on that list, BIG time. Why? Simple, the movie is a HUGE snooze fest up until the last fifteen to twenty minutes but you have to go through all this boring crap to get there. You know that motorcycle chase scene they flash in the trailer? It's at the end of the movie. You know that running on the roof segment and Jeremy Renner sliding down in between the buildings to beat up two unsuspecting cops who have Rachel Weisz cornered? Yep, you guessed it, it's at the end of the movie. Before they even introduce the most interesting character, and it's NOT Jeremy Renner's Aaron Cross character, the movie is pretty much over.

Directed by Tony Gilroy, the man who brought us the insipid Duplicity and the interesting but hollow Michael Clayton, brings us a movie that's a wannabe action film but is really more of a big brother/talkie film. It's chock full of talk inside stuffy offices with old white men and young white men (with the exclusion of the one Black four star general who makes an appearance). These old and young white men, who you aren't told who they are mind you, decide the fates of almost everybody involved. Just who IS Edward Norton's Retired Col. Edward Byer and how does he have so much damn power? There's bloated Stacy Keach and craggily Scott Glenn arguing the finer points of, what are they talking about again? Whatever it is, you get the feeling these men are fearing everything Jason Bourne has started and because of that, they have to shut down these covert Black-ops programs or the government will throw them all in jail. By shutting everything down, that means killing all the field agents.

Rachel Weisz looks completely out of place in this movie but maybe that's just my opinion. In ALL of the previous Bourne films there has never been a woman that could handle herself with any kind of fighting instinct and since Gilroy helped write the first three, it's pretty much par for the course that the female lead in this movie is much the same way. What you come to see in this movie is that ANYONE could have been the lead and it would have been a much more interesting move were the lead a FEMALE agent. Hmmmm, maybe I should write that. Anyway, back to this boring movie. Aaron Cross starts off in the wilderness, up in the mountains of god knows where, training for god knows what, the Iditarod maybe? While up there commiserating with fellow agent Oscar Isaacs (a completely wasted performance by the way) and while up there, surrounded by man hunting wolves, a directive has come down to shut down all programs and that includes Outcome Agents. Wouldn't you know it, BOTH men are Outcome agents. Remember that exploding house in the trailer?

Outcome agents are on a strict, regimented diet of blue and green pills and Cross is running out, so he hightails it back to civilization to get more "chems". The only one who can do this now, thanks to a mild mannered doctor turned psychopath and kills every one in his lab is Rachel Weisz's Dr. Marta Shearing. Once they get together the movie gets even MORE complicated. Something about viraling out of needing the blue and green pills. The only place that can happen is the Phillipines of course. And this is where are those cool scenes in the trailer show up but by then if you aren't asleep, you don't really care because you know what's coming. If they do a sequel of this film, to make up for this bland piece of film making, it better be non-stop action from start to finish. I can't even speak on the score by James Newton-Howard except to say it match the movie....YAWN!

Skip this puppy and wait for the sequel which if they take my advice, will keep you on the edge of your seat. I'll see you at the theater.

Total Recall

The remake of Paul Verhoeven's Total Recall makes me want to see Paul Verhoeven's Total Recall. Why? Simple, the original is a far better movie. The only thing the remake has over it's predecessor is a better leading actor and incredible action sequences, that's IT. As far as a good story or having characters you give a damn about, this movie is an epic fail. There's no heart, no soul, no charm. It's a vacuous, shrill, and flat movie. I don't really know what the producers and director Len Wiseman were thinking during the pre-production meetings but whatever came out of them should have been scrapped in total (see what I did there?). Now in full disclosure I have to admit that I should have known this movie was going to suck based on the last two movies Len Wiseman had a hand in. He was directly responsible for that atrocious Live Free or Die Hard movie and he wrote the super boring Underworld: Awakening.

Colen Farrell who plays Douglas Quaid is in a movie where you don't give a rats ass if his character lives or dies. Or for that matter if ANYONE lives or dies. Where the original had humor and absurdity that created memorable, indelible moments in your mind (like the midget prostitute on the bar with a machine gun in the original), that concept is foreign to the remake. In fact it shouldn't even be called a remake since the only things the two movies have in common is the title and the characters names. Everything eles is completely different. Where the first movie was about how power corrupts absolutely and the lower class doesn't matter, the second Recall has some preposturous story line about the world being uninhabitable due to chemical warfare and the only places where people can survive are England and Australia which are connected by "the fall". An express like elevator that shuttles workers from The Colony (Aussie land) to The United Federation of Britain or the UFB (England) and back. Basically the man in charge of the UFB, an American named Cohaagen played by Brian Cranston (with a truly bad hairpiece) wants to kill everyone in The Colony and take it's land so the movie is basically a giant land grab with robot cops.

Colins character Quaid is a double agaent who turned traitor to the UFB and starting fighting for The Colony and the resistance after he met Jessica Biel's character Melina. He was captured by the UFB, had his mind erased, was given a menial job and a good looking wife Lori Quiad played by Kate Beckinsale. Quaid keeps having dreams of Melina and doesn't know why but feels going to Rekall will help him find some answers (if you are now thinking WTF? you are not alone). Rekall is where one goes to get memories implanted of a fantasy or vacation someone cannot dream of doing or affording yet Quaid goes there and wants the experiences of being a spy. What one thing has to do with another I do NOT know but you the viewer aren't supposed to ask that question. You're supposed to just go along with this ludicrous idea of a story. Somehow, via the magic of Rekall Quiad gets "reactivated" and suddenly everyones trying to kill him, including his wife and he has no idea why. I won't go into anymore detail if you plan on seeing this movie which I suggest you really don't but hey, I aint the boss of you.

Now the only thing this movie has over the first Recall movie is that it IS visually stunning. There was a lot of time and money that went into making this movie look good and sound good. Too bad that can't be said regarding this movie BEING good. The chase scenes were great and the elevator sequence was breathtaking. It was like watching a chase scene take place in a never ending Escher loop (google it). The makers even went out and hired the very talented Harry Gregson-Williams to score the movie but because the man didn't have much to work with as far as emotional content or interesting characters, the score was bland. No knock on Harry though, hard to score something as flat as this movie was and make it sound compelling.

Look, if you don't already know by now then I will simply state it here, SKIP THIS MOVIE! It is not worth the price of admission and sometimes not even the popcorn can make a movie worth seeing. Spend your hard earned money on another movie and I'll see you at the theater.