Total Recall

The remake of Paul Verhoeven's Total Recall makes me want to see Paul Verhoeven's Total Recall. Why? Simple, the original is a far better movie. The only thing the remake has over it's predecessor is a better leading actor and incredible action sequences, that's IT. As far as a good story or having characters you give a damn about, this movie is an epic fail. There's no heart, no soul, no charm. It's a vacuous, shrill, and flat movie. I don't really know what the producers and director Len Wiseman were thinking during the pre-production meetings but whatever came out of them should have been scrapped in total (see what I did there?). Now in full disclosure I have to admit that I should have known this movie was going to suck based on the last two movies Len Wiseman had a hand in. He was directly responsible for that atrocious Live Free or Die Hard movie and he wrote the super boring Underworld: Awakening.

Colen Farrell who plays Douglas Quaid is in a movie where you don't give a rats ass if his character lives or dies. Or for that matter if ANYONE lives or dies. Where the original had humor and absurdity that created memorable, indelible moments in your mind (like the midget prostitute on the bar with a machine gun in the original), that concept is foreign to the remake. In fact it shouldn't even be called a remake since the only things the two movies have in common is the title and the characters names. Everything eles is completely different. Where the first movie was about how power corrupts absolutely and the lower class doesn't matter, the second Recall has some preposturous story line about the world being uninhabitable due to chemical warfare and the only places where people can survive are England and Australia which are connected by "the fall". An express like elevator that shuttles workers from The Colony (Aussie land) to The United Federation of Britain or the UFB (England) and back. Basically the man in charge of the UFB, an American named Cohaagen played by Brian Cranston (with a truly bad hairpiece) wants to kill everyone in The Colony and take it's land so the movie is basically a giant land grab with robot cops.

Colins character Quaid is a double agaent who turned traitor to the UFB and starting fighting for The Colony and the resistance after he met Jessica Biel's character Melina. He was captured by the UFB, had his mind erased, was given a menial job and a good looking wife Lori Quiad played by Kate Beckinsale. Quaid keeps having dreams of Melina and doesn't know why but feels going to Rekall will help him find some answers (if you are now thinking WTF? you are not alone). Rekall is where one goes to get memories implanted of a fantasy or vacation someone cannot dream of doing or affording yet Quaid goes there and wants the experiences of being a spy. What one thing has to do with another I do NOT know but you the viewer aren't supposed to ask that question. You're supposed to just go along with this ludicrous idea of a story. Somehow, via the magic of Rekall Quiad gets "reactivated" and suddenly everyones trying to kill him, including his wife and he has no idea why. I won't go into anymore detail if you plan on seeing this movie which I suggest you really don't but hey, I aint the boss of you.

Now the only thing this movie has over the first Recall movie is that it IS visually stunning. There was a lot of time and money that went into making this movie look good and sound good. Too bad that can't be said regarding this movie BEING good. The chase scenes were great and the elevator sequence was breathtaking. It was like watching a chase scene take place in a never ending Escher loop (google it). The makers even went out and hired the very talented Harry Gregson-Williams to score the movie but because the man didn't have much to work with as far as emotional content or interesting characters, the score was bland. No knock on Harry though, hard to score something as flat as this movie was and make it sound compelling.

Look, if you don't already know by now then I will simply state it here, SKIP THIS MOVIE! It is not worth the price of admission and sometimes not even the popcorn can make a movie worth seeing. Spend your hard earned money on another movie and I'll see you at the theater.