G. I. Joe: Retaliation

G. I Joe: Retaliation, the latest movie from director Jon M. Chu is an assault on the fucking senses, and NOT in a good way. This movie is crass, loud, and outright ridiculous at times. While it is a far better movie than it's predecessor, G. I. Joe: Rise of Cobra which isn't saying much, this movie might have the ability to cause seizures. It makes little to no sense, is all over the place, and has some of the most absurd sequences ever before seen. Because of all that, I give G. I. Joe: Retaliation one bucket of Killer Korn.



Before you even ask, I snuck into this film. There was no way on this green earth was I paying to see this movie, sorry. And even seeing it for FREE didn't make it any better. Now that I got that out of the way, if you saw the first lame GI Joe movie you remember that Cobra Commander was captured  but his right hand man took the place of the President, which unfortunately set up the sequel. Cobra wanted to take the world hostage the first time around and the only thing that stood in their way were the Joe's. Guess what, yep you guessed it, it's the very same story line this time around. Except this time the US Government has labeled the Joe's as an enemy of the state for killing an ambassador and set out to kill them all.

Unlike the first GI Joe movie which starred an amazing bunch of horrible actors, this movie stars and amazing bunch of high paid decent actors, acting horribly. There's Dwayne Johnson aka The Rock playing Roadblock, Adrianne Palicki playing Jaye, Channing Tatum reprising his role as Duke, Ray Stevenson as Firefly, Johnathan Pryce as the President, and Bruce Willis as General Joe Colton (who is apparently extremely fearful of his suburban neighbors). This movie was a complete waste of theirs and everybody else who was in it time. It was a revenge movie strictly and the Joe's, wanting to clear their name realize the only way to do that is to get to the fake President, remove him and place the real one back in power. It was mighty convenient of the President to hold a summit meeting with the leaders of the world in of all places, lovely South Carolina.

That's it, that's the story. I mean there are other plot lines that run parallel to the main one but they aren't really worth mentioning. What is worth mentioning are the visuals. The jump cuts, the slow motion, the massive amounts of explosives, they are all possibly seizure inducing. Not to mention the magical way equipment appeared out of nowhere or how a number of evil satellites made it into orbit (I'm still scratching my head behind that one). Honestly, there is not much more to say about G. I. Joe:Retaliation other than to say this is a movie worth skipping and if you see it, don't say you weren't warned. See something else if you don't want your intelligence insulted and your brain rattled, and I'll see you at the theater.

Admission

Admission, the latest film from Paul Weitz is both a funny romantic comedy with a serious profile. It possesses more heart than you would originally think. It's a well done movie with a very good cast, and it's a movie with little to no holes. Because of that I give Admission three and a half buckets of Killer Korn.




Admission is built on the kind of storyline that you wouldn't normally associate with a romantic comedy and yet, there it is. That being said, maybe Admission isn't a romantic comedy, maybe it's a serious film about passing judgement on people, parenting, guilt, and shameless ambition with a little humor sprinkled in. Sounds schizophrenic I know but roll with me and I will explain how it's not. The reason why this movie has a trailer that would lead anyone to believe that Admission is a romantic comedy is maybe because it stars Tina Fey and Paul Rudd, two very funny people in their own right. Tina plays Portia Nathan, an admissions officer at Princeton and Paul plays John Pressman, a teacher at Quest High School and believes he's stumbled across a secret from Portia's past.

Admission also stars Lily Tomlin as Portia's mother Susannah, Gloria Reuben as Corinne, Portia's biggest rival as she vies to become Dean of Admissions. The Dean is played by the hilarious Wallace Shawn, Travaris Spears plays Nelson, John's adopted son from Uganda and Nat Wolff plays Jeremiah, the secret from Portia's past. It's a great cast and they are all blessed with their own funny moments but this is the first so called romantic comedy where the comedy takes a back seat to some serious personal issues. Paul's character John feels he has located Portia's son, the one she gave up for adoption back in college and he thinks the two should meet. Jeremiah has written an essay about wanting to meet his biological mother and John, armed with a copy of Jeremiah's birth certificate, invites Portia up to his high school to see about meeting her son as well as recruit new possible students for Princeton.

What ensues from that visit are moments of hilarity, real heart, and surprising depth. Tine Fey gives her usual talented performance and the rest of the cast keeps up with her as best they could. There is no doubt who the star is here and be warned, if you are not a Tina Fey fan (which would lump you in the Sarah Palin club), you shouldn't see this movie because she's everywhere. Paul Rudd got second billing but that was done I guess because someone felt they had to do that, you know, for balance or something. Lily Tomlin looks like she got some work done because her face is completely different from when she was on The West Wing, but she definitely had her moments of both hilarity and heart. It seems everyone had those moments, when they come to realize that there is more to their lives than being selfish and fighting for their own happiness. That sometimes you have to do for someone else and it's not as painful as you may think.

This is a movie I would recommend seeing, especially if you need a laugh or a good story to sink your teeth into. Admission is worth the price of admission (see what I did there?). Check it out and I'll see you at the theater.

My Brother the Devil

My Brother the Devil is the spellbinding film by filmmaker Sally El Hosaini. For her first full length feature film she has created one breathtaking film. This film touches on almost every subject matter that the inner city deals with and it does so on a visceral level. To me, there is one flaw in the film but it's so minute and overshadowed by the rest of the film that I have decided to look past it. For that, I give My Brother the Devil three and a half buckets of Killer Korn.




My Brother the Devil is a tale set in the hoods of London. It's a tale about two brothers who love each other very much. The older brothers name is Rash, short for Rashid and he's played the talented James Floyd (who should soon be a household name), and his younger brother Mo is played by newcomer Fady Elsayed who was one amazing find. Fady is riveting on the screen as the hungry for the love of his older brother teenager. Mo follows his brother around like a puppy, nipping at his heels, wanting to be just like him. That is something Rash doesn't want in any way, shape, or form because Rash doesn't want his younger brother mixed up in the dirt he currently involved in. Rash is part of a gang, the DMG which stands for drugs, money, guns and when you're part of the gang, you get tattooed with those letters somewhere on your body. Rash buys into DMG so hard that his tattoo is right over his heart.


The movie opens up with Rash at the boxing gym putting in work on the heavy bag while Mo pedals to the gym so the two of them can go home  together. After some horsing around, Rash asks his brother about his grades and when satisfied with what he hears, he tells his younger brother he has something for him. Rash and his best friend Izzy, played by Anthony Welsh bring in a flat screen TV for Mo. The brothers father, played by Nasser Memarzia immediately wants to know where the money came from for the TV which prompts Rash to remove it from the house, but before they can poppa indicates under his breathe that he's tired of his son hanging out with Black guys. With Izzy being Black, that just ratchets up the tension in the household but Izzy takes it in stride. He understands Rash's dad is from the old school even though the father is basically Black himself as the family hails from Egypt. Sally's film making puts you right in the middle of the conflict. The camera never turns away, you as the viewer never get any rest, she keeps you riveted.


One morning Mo watched Rash go into his mothers purse and pulls out her wallet. Instead of him taking money out though, Rash slips money in and then goes to kiss her good morning. Mo smiles at that and it's that moment that strengthens his desire to be just like his older brother. DMG has a rival gang headed by someone named Demon and it's during a conflict at the neighborhood grocery store when things come to a head. The violence is brutal and shocking and it makes Rash reassess his life. He finally comes to see that he can't be running the streets for the rest of his life, that he needs to find a way out, that he needs to get a job. Enter Sayyid played by the freakishly talented Said Taghmoui. Sayyid is introduced to Rash through Izzy who was one of the gangs customers. Rash eventually started supplying the professional photographer and the two men struck up a friendship. When Rash reveals he needs a job, Sayyid tells Rash he could work for him.

While working for Sayyid keeps Rash out of the hood, Mo decides to fill his big brothers shoes with the gang and his family. He starts to sell drugs and earn his own money and puts almost a fistful of bills in his mothers wallet. Rash finds out and the two brothers get into it and it's after that conflict that Mo follows Rash to where he spends most his days and finds out his big brother is having a romance with Sayyid. What happens from then on pushes the movie towards a climax where the energy crackles off the screen, so much so that I can't remember what the music was even like, I know, I know...I'm surprised by that just as much as you are. Sally demonstrates so vividly that those friends that call you "fam" and "cuz" can quickly become your sworn enemies the very next minute they perceive you stepping out of the line they feel you should be walking.

My Brother the Devil is worth seeing, you will NOT be sorry. Though there may be times where the accents will have some dialogue flying right over your head, you won't mind it because you eventually get the gist. Buy your ticket, wait in line, and I may be either right in front of you or behind you, either way I will see you at the theater!

Upside Down

Upside Down, the amazing new film by relative newcomer to the directors chair, Juan Solanas is a sight to behold. It is a visual feast for the eyes and basically destroys all those other so called "visually stunning" movies within the first fifteen minutes of the film. It's a film blessed with the most engaging storyline since Cloud Atlas and that coupled with ingenious film making is the reason Upside Down gets four buckets of Killer Korn.






When I first saw the trailer for this movie, my first reaction was it looked hokey. The more I thought about it though the more the premise of the film grew on me and then I thought it looked interesting enough to see, even if Kirsten Dunst, who plays Eden is in the film. I am no real fan of hers but I am a fan of Jim Sturgess who plays Adam. I became a fan of his ever since I saw him in the 2007 film Across The Universe. These two live on separate planets that revolve around each other and together they revolve around the sun. The only thing connecting the two planets is a massive building owned and operated by Trans World. The same company that has made Adam into an orphan when he was a child. There are laws to keep any kind of fraternizing between the the people from "up above" and those from "down below". "Up Above" is a planet drowning in wealth, while "Down Below" is choking on poverty and those up above want none of those from down below coming to their planet but Adam has some real incentive to "fall above".


The twin planets have their own separate gravitational pull, and the planet you were born on is the planets gravitational pull you're affected by. So if you were born from "Down Below", you couldn't get to the planet above without some weights from that planet and vice versa. Sadly though, that can't last forever because any materials not from the originating planet will begin to heat up and eventually combust. That includes the weights one would use to hold themselves down on a planet they aren't from. Now when Adam was a boy his favorite person was his aunt and that was due to her "flying pancakes". They were able to float through the air due to a certain pollen the bees, who aren't affected by either planets gravitational pull spread over flowers in the mountains near Adams house. One day he went further than he ever has before up the mountain, past the clouds and through his model plane. It landed on the sister planet and Eden found it while looking for her dog.


The two strike up a friendship and that lasted for years and they would meet at the same mountainous peaks that allowed them to yell at each other. Adam would also throw a rope to Eden and pull her down to his planet and the two would hang out. One day Eden and Adam were caught spending time together and Eden suffered a serious head wound. Adam thought she dies and the two hadn't seen each other in ten years until a lottery was announced for a citizen from Down Below to get a job at Trans World and Adam sees Eden announce the deal on television. At the same time, Adam is working on an anti aging cream, using the bee pollen and Trans World wants it. That allows Adam to get in and seek out Eden for a reunion. He makes it happen, but sadly it doesn't go the way he hoped.


This movie was written by director Juan Solanas and I would have loved to been a fly on the wall when he and his friends were putting this thing together. I can only imagine they were all high as clouds on some kind of mind altering narcotic. That's the only way I could imagine this story coming from the ether in the first place, let alone all the smart aspects of it. I really couldn't find a single flaw in this movie, the cast was perfect, outside of Kirsten, the acting was superb, and again visually this movie has no competition. It's truly lovely to look at, and there was even times I forgot I had a bag of popcorn in my lap. If you know me, you know how truly strange that is. I blame it on the visuals (an inverted, reversed MC Escher drawing on steroids), story line, and the music. Scored by Benoit Charest with additional music by one of my favorites Mark Isham, the music was beautiful and graceful, a perfect fit for the images on the screen.

There was a critic who said something regarding the Senna documentary that I think fits here so perfectly. He said the Senna docu was "Completely Unmissable" and that phrase totally fits Upside Down in every way. I say skip Oz the Great and Powerful and and spend your money on a ticket for Upside Down. You will not be sorry at all and I'll see you at the theater.

Emperor

Emperor, the latest film by Peter Webber, the man who brought the atrocious Hannibal Rising to theaters is a film that completely misses the mark on far too many instances that could have made this film a classic. There is nothing stylized here, there is no beauty, no feast for the eyes, nothing to really sink your teeth into. It is a bland film based on the true story when Gen MacArthur meets the Emperor of Japan. It's a story worthy of a movie and sadly this is the one they made, because of that it gets a bucket of Killer Korn.




Emperor is a story worth being told and the movie is based on the novel His Majesty's Salvation by Shiro Okamoto, Emperor tells the story of Japan at the end of World War II. It's after the nuclear bombs have been dropped of Hiroshima and Nagasaki which brought Japan to her knees and made the Emperor surrender. The Americans, led by Supreme Leader of the Allied Forces, General MacArthur, played by the talented Tommy Lee Jones, and company have arrived to try to bring Japan back from the dead, but before they do that, they need to know if it was the Emperor who gave the order for the attack on Pearl Harbor. To get the answers the President wants as well as the American people, an investigation must be conducted. MacArthur has just the man at his disposal to get that particular job done, General Bonner Fellers. General Fellers has been to Japan before and in fact fallen in love with a Japanese woman so he is aware of all the necessary customs and won't trample on them to get answers.

Fellers is played by Matthew Fox and the man cannot act, which is probably why I could never really get into Lost. Anyway, he's got one facial expression and one emotion throughout this entire film. As the headliner and carrier of the film, that is the kiss of death for a film. Fellers is given ten days to conduct his investigation on the Emperor, having to weave though a web of  the political officers who haven't committed suicide yet as well as the Emperors outer circle and inner. He has to do all that while quiet the rumblings from his own men about his ability to do this job all while trying to find the woman he loves, Aya Shimada played by the ethereally beautiful Eriko Hatsune, who stayed behind when he was expelled from Japan before the start of the war. It is a FANTASTIC story and I really want to read Okamoto's book but as for the movie, the movie I really wanted to like, it was a massive let down.

While I understand this story takes place while Japan is still smoldering, this movie failed to capture the beauty of that land. It failed to capture it's grace, and it failed to capture the grace of it's people. There was nothing here and a truly bland movie was made, a bland movie that could have been a classic had it been in the hands of a far more competent director. Peter Webber has made feature length films before but he's primarily a TV director so his scope is limited, which made this movie look like it belonged on TV. There is no beauty to this movie and honestly, this movie should have been a classic. All the elements were in place for it to be a classic and instead what's offered is this drab look at one of the more remarkable moments in history between Japan and America. Maybe that's why this film is currently in limited release and may never see wide release.

There's not much else to say about Emperor sadly, though the one impressive things about it was the music. Scored by Alex Heffes, the music tried to add the drama the movie itself failed to deliver on. It tired to make you feel for characters the movie did not get you emotionally invested in. Using traditional Japanese instruments along with a full orchestra, Alex Heffes did a great job, it's just too bad this good score was wasted on this bland film. Hopefully his next score will be rewarded with a good movie to go along with it. I say skip Emperor, see something else, and I'll see you at the theater.  

The Round Up

Okay, I've seen a few movies lately but I've not been in any position (or mood) to blog about them. Because that is the case, I have chosen to write a round up, a summary if you will on each of the recent films I've seen, to allow both you and me to sort of catch up.

First up is Snitch, starring Dwayne Johnson aka The Rock, Susan Sarandon, Barry Pepper, John Bernthal, Michael Kenneth Williams, and Rafi Gavron. It's a movie based on a true story where Rafi, playing Jason Collins the son of trucking magnate John Matthews, played by Dwayne Johnson gets a package of pills sent to him by a friend. That "friend" sets Jason up to get caught by the DEA and Jason then gets sent to jail. Jason refuses to turn on his friends, a stupid stance if you ask me but despite all the pressure from the outside, parents, district attorney, arresting officer and all the ass beatings Jason is getting inside prison, he sticks to his guns and is looking at at least 10 years. That spurs John into putting himself on the line and plunging his otherwise clean hands into the muck of the underworld. It's a decent movie, though the constant camera shaking will probably make you nauseous. Directed by renown stuntman and relative new director Ric Roman Waugh, Snitch won't blow you away but it may entertain. It gets a bucket and a half of Killer Korn.

Next up is Jack the Giant Slayer, the latest movie from acclaimed director Bryan Singer. It stars Nicholas Hoult as Jack, a young man who lives on a farm and thirsting for an adventure. Jack lives with his uncle after his father dies (we're never told how), and his uncle sends him into town to sell a horse. Jack trades the horse for magic beans and the only warning he gets from the monk he trades with is "don't let them get wet". Every child in the kingdom is told about the land of the giants, including the princess Isabelle, played by Eleanor Tomlinson. A young girl who is, wouldn't you know it, also thirsting for adventure. It has a great cast, which I can only attribute to them wanting to work with Singer, There's Ewan McGregor, Stanley Tucci, Ian McShane, Eddie Marsan, and the voice of Bill Nighy as the leader of the giants. There was a crown forged once before when the giants came from above and tried to rule mankind, the crown enslaved the giants and sent them back from whence they came and the crown was then buried with the king, Erik The Great who is played by Craig Salisbury. Whoever wears the crown enslaves the giants but the only way for the giants to get back to earth is through massive beanstalks which only happens if the magic beans get wet and, well you can guess what happens. Way too much money was spent on this movie and it will NEVER break even, forget about making a profit but for what it's worth, Jack the Giant Slayer is a decent movie and gets two buckets of Killer Korn.



Then there's Dead Man Down, a film I feel is in the same vein as the classic Luc Besson masterpiece The Professional. Dead Man Down has a look and a feel to it that is very much reminiscent of The Professional and since I am a huge fan of that film, Dead Man Down was a pleasant surprise. Directed by Niels Arden Oplev, the man that directed the original Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, it stars Colin Farrel as Victor, a member of a crew that works for gangster Alphonse Hoyt, played by the multi-talented Terrence Howard. Also starring is the phenomenal Dominic Cooper, Noomi Rapace, F. Murray Abraham, and Armand Assante. Now the trailers are wildly misleading because they get you believing that the scars on Beatrice's face, Victor's neighbor played by Noomi Rapace was done so by Alphonse and that Victor has to get revenge for what was done to her. Actually Beatrice blackmails Victor into killing the drunk driver who smashed into her car which caved in the left side of her face. If he doesn't kill the drunk driver, she will go to the police and show them a video of Victor killing a man in his apartment. The man Victor killed was done so to keep Victors real identity a secret so Victor can exact his own revenge against Alphonse, his crew that killed Victors daughter, and the hired Albanians that killed his wife when she was on her way to testify against Alphonse. You see the love story slowly develop and there is really no chemistry between Colin and Noomi, but you go with it because the story is so good and it's because of that, I give Dead Man Down three buckets of Killer Korn.

Lastly, there's the movie Identity Thief, a movie that reminds me of another favorite of mine, one I have been screaming for a remake of for years, Midnight Run which starred Charles Grodin and Robert DeNiro. Identity Thief stars Jason Bateman as Sandy Patterson and Melissa McCarthy as Diana. Diana is a bonafide thief and steals Sandy's identity because it sounds like a woman's name and Sandy was too stupid to realize he was being taken when Diana called him on the phone to get some vital information from him. Sandy lives in Colorado and Diana lives in sunny southern Florida. Sandy has to bring Diana back to Colorado to clear his name and keep his job. He has a wife, two daughters and another child on the way and since the authorities don't get involved in identity theft, desperate Sandy goes after her himself. Diana is also being chased by an imprisoned kingpins henchmen whom she cheated out of money by selling him bad phony credit cards. There's also the bounty hunter, played by Robert Patrick that's tasked to bring her back to face the music in a Florida court. There's definitely a Midnight Run feel here, it just doesn't have the same charm and I blame that on Jason Bateman. He's just annoys me but you find yourself rooting for him here, the problem is this movie, directed by Seth Gordon doesn't seem to know if it was to be a slapstick comedy or a heartfelt, emotional film on friendship. Trying to do both makes this film a little schizo and that's never good so I give Identity Thief one bucket of Killer Korn





So ends the round up...for now :)