Fast & Furious 6

Fast & Furious 6, the latest film by Justin Lin which revisits the now all too familiar and nauseating characters from the previous five Fast & Furious films is a showcase in atrocious film making. If you like good acting, well written dialogue, and movies that don't defy the laws of physics then this movie is not, I repeat NOT for you. It's certainly not for me and because of that I don't give Fast & Furious 6 and damn Killer Korn. Not one damn kernel.






From the onset, I did not pay to see Fast & Furious 6 and it's so bad it doesn't deserve a long write up. Reprising their roles in this installment of the Furious movies is of course Vin Diesel as Dominic Toretto, Paul Walker as Brian O'Connor, Dwayne Johnson as Hobbs, Tyrese Gibson as Roman, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges as Tej, Jordana Brewster as Mia, Sung Kang as Han, and recently brought back from the dead, Michelle Rodriguez as Letty. When we last left this group they just made off with hundreds of millions of dollars down in Rio and were now retired and living the lives of multi-millionaires who could never again set foot on American soil. Dominic is living somewhere comfortably in the sun with the lovely Brazilian officer he hooked up with in the last film, Elena played by Elsa Pataky. That was until Hobbs shows up on his doorstep with a picture of Letty from a week ago alive and well. Hobbs wants Dominic to reassemble his team to help him bring down someone named Owen Shaw who is played by Luke Evans, the man Letty now works for.

Dom agrees because he just has to see if it's really Letty and not some mind trick because as Dom says repeatedly to stomach churning regularity in this movie, "we're family". Now the dialogue sounds like it was written by a few second graders. It's elementary at best and the plot made absolutely no sense. They had to stop Owen Shaw from stealing satellite components and a chip that could render a country unable to operate for 24 hours. A true head scratcher indeed and writer Chris Morgan should give his check back for a job undone. The film was shot by someone who looks like they were standing in the middle of an earthquake the whole time or was on a skateboard. Cinematographer Stephen F. Windon has done better work in the past so it stands to reason that he just mailed this one in. It was edited and chopped up by someone who apparently has a bad case of ADD and the score lacked any drama or emotion. Oh and by the way, the cars this time around were horrible.

There are some incredulous action sequences that like I stated earlier completely defy science and the laws of physics, like the tank sequence. The one where Dom jettisons himself at the free falling Letty with enough force to stall her fall. He propels them to the other side of the highway onto a parked car, all the while, twisting his body in mid air so HE is the one the breaks her fall. Physics alone would have given her at the very least a broken rib and rendered him with a spinal contusion but Dom is apparently superhuman. Especially when you consider Letty shot him in the chest and after removing the bullet himself, doesn't swell, doesn't bleed externally or internally and just four days later is in a fist fight with some hulking henchman of Shaw's. How he is even able to raise his arm to any height is amazing. Him having the ability to throw a punch after being shot is of course movie magic and while I am all for movie magic, I am not for having my intelligence insulted. And I won't even mention how long that damn runway was at the end. It went on forever as the team somehow miraculously yanked down what I believe was a Russian Antonov or a plane much like it when in reality the plane would have lifted off no matter what the cars did to the flaps on the wings.

I truly have no idea what the draw is to these movies and when you sit back and map out the timeline of the films, it makes no sense. Han, the cool Asian guy in Fast Five and this movie DIED in Tokyo Drift which was two Furious movies ago so how in the world is he still alive in the next two films? Well they answer that at the end of this movie by showing his death in Tokyo Drift. So that means that the previous two movies took place in the past and that the now in pre-production Fast & Furious 7 will be in the present. Yes there will be another one and no, I will not see it because I could care less what happens to these characters. I would say skip Fast & Furious 6 but it's going to make another one hundred million plus at the box office. And even if it doesn't, the next Fast & Furious is already in the works starring Jason Statham, who apparently kills Han on purpose. Skip this garbage, see something else and I'll see you at the theater.