Iron Man 3

Iron Man 3, the second film ever by director Shane Black is such a bad movie that it's hard for me to wrap my head around it. You know how there's a film that you so desperately want to enjoy? That's how I felt about this latest Iron Man movie after the debacle that was Iron Man 2. I really wanted to enjoy this, but as a "story first" kind of guy, this movie was crap and that's why this third chapter of Iron Man gets a half a bucket of Killer Korn.



Hey Paramount/Marvel Studios, if I promise to eat ALL my vegetables will you promise NOT to make anymore Iron Man movies, no matter how much this one earns at the box office? I say that because while this movie will make a ton of money, number 4 will more than likely be just as crappy if not worse than this drivel. Reprising his role as the shallow, egotistical, billionaire genius Tony Stark is Robert Downey Jr and along for the ride yet again is Gwenyth Paltrow as Pepper Potts, Don Cheadle as Col. James Rhodes, and Jon Favreau as Happy Hogan. The new additions to the Iron Man trilogy are Guy Pearce as Aldrich Killian, Ben Kingsley as The Mandarin, Rebecca Hall as Maya Hansen, James Badge Dale as Savin, and William Sadler as President Ellis. All the people I just mentioned, and the rest of the cast that I didn't should draft up a lawsuit and sue Drew Pearce and Shane Black, the guys who'll take credit for writing this, for potentially putting their careers in jeopardy with this nonsense.

Now like I stated earlier, I'm a story first kind of guy because I have always felt (and I'm usually right about this) that with a good story, comes a good movie. The opposite is usually true as well depending on your point of view. If you think a good movie is solely dependent on how it does at the box office and has nothing to do with a decent to good story line/plot then more than likely you will absolutely love Iron Man 3. However, if you think a good movie is one that has a credible, decent story line/plot, one that was crafted and written by those that ultimately care what their names are attached to and not some crap of a story line that had to be surgically removed from someones ass, then you will absolutely hate Iron Man 3.

I could sit here all day at my computer and punch holes in this movie but really, what would be the point? If I haven't already changed your mind about seeing this sorry excuse for a movie then nothing else I write will. But if you are still on the fence I will add this, when I think of a superhero movie trilogy right now, the undisputed king of the scene is The Dark Knight trilogy. When I compare and contrast those three films to the Iron man films, it's like putting the defending Super Bowl Champion Baltimore Ravens on the field against your local high school's JV team. In other words, no contest. And while there were a myriad of problems with the Dark Knight movies, if you just compare the character arc of the two main characters, it's almost embarrassing. In this movie, Tony Stark is some anxiety riddled, Zoloft needing man who could really care less about The Mandarin and his terrorists ways until his friend is almost killed. Basically he's the same person in all three films except this time around, he's annoying, and worse.

Like explosions, then this movie will do it for you. Like wise cracks and cute banter, then this movie will make you laugh. Like a bad guy that seems unbeatable by radiating at a 2 to 3000 degree temperature but whose shoes never melt or whose pants never burn off, then you will love the madness that is Aldrich Killian. Like so much CG in your movies that at least six special effect companies were hired to bring Iron Man 3 to life, then you will be in heaven. Like a really bad score by hit or miss composer Brian Tyler who is usually all heroic theme and no melody or nuance, then you'll want to buy this score. If you see this movie and you think it sucks as much as I do, do NOT blame me because I tried to warn you. Don't believe me? Re-read all this again then, and I'll see you at the theater