To say Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer is good is something I cannot do. I can't even call it decent to be honest with you. In fact, this movie is as empty as old honest Abe's tophat and just as foolish. I went in knowing what to expect or at least I thought I did but this movie far exceeded even my most ridiculous expectations. I liked the premise, it's a fascinating one in my opinion but it's one that I think plays better in a novel than a movie. I can only hope the book is far more superior then the movie made from it for if it's not then why someone would choose to trun it into a movie makes NO sense. Directed by the man that brought you Wanted with James McAvoy, Morgban Freeman, and Angelina Jolie, saying Timur Bekmambetov isn't the best director in the world is stating the obvious. It's like saying the sun is hot.
With a screenplay written by the same guy, Seth Graham-Smith who wrote the book sort of doesn't bode well for the book being all that much better than the film. Although there is far more freedom with the written word than with film....You know what, I can't finish this blog. Yes, this movie was THAT bad and while I have no problems usually ripping a movie a new asshole (see my review on The Expendables), I just can't finish this one.
Do NOT buy a ticket to see this movie unless you like out of this world revisionist history. Do NOT buy a ticket to see this movie if you are hoping to see some interesting characters, decent if not scary vampires (not the howler monkey vampire variety showcased here), and something worthy of the price of admission. This movie WILL let you down and maybe in the hands of a better director it could have been a better movie. Too bad we'll never know.
When I saw the trailer for this movie, it made me do what the trailer for The Intouchables do and that was laugh out loud. Therefore, I put it on my "must see" list and finally got the chance to see it yesterday and I'm glad I did. Hysteria is the very funny tale of the invention of the number one sex toy in history, the vibrator. It tells the story of the honorable, forward thinking young doctor Mortimer Granville played charmingly by Hugh Dancy and his quest to make a living while trying to save lives in Victorian London. The medical community scoffs at him and his ideas about "invisible germs" and how they can possibly cause "infections" and turn someones wound "septic". The only doctor that will give young Granville a job is Dr. Robert Dalrymple played by Johnathan Pryce, who has come up with the hilarious and sometimes scary diagnosis of "hysteria".
Hysteria only strikes women and in the most extreme cases of it, those women need to be institutionalized and some are even made to endure hysterectomies to cure it (like I said, scary). The mild cases though are "handled" by a good and thorough massage of the vulva. Directed by Tanya Wexler, Hysteria is a funny film with some serious issues dealing with women's rights. Their rights to work, vote, and have a say over their own bodies and the person who voices those and other issues in this movie is Charlotte Dalrymple, played by the frighteningly talented Maggie Gyllenhaal. Charlotte is a firebrand, an outspoken proponent of the poor and downtrodden, much to her fathers dismay and utter confusion to Mortimer. He can't understand how Charlotte could be the sister of the fetching Emily Dalrymple played by Felicity Jones. The two sisters are complete and polar opposites which at times is expressed humorously and others profoundly.
Dr. Granville has picked up where the elder Dr. Dalrymple seems to have left off but soon he starts to develop a case of carpal tunnel from his vigorous vulva massages. After one mediocre session with a client things go downhill for the good doctor. Enter his friend, Edmund St. John-Smythe played hilariously by Rupert Everett. Edmund is an inventor, playboy, and son to wealthy parents who is trying to develop something called "the feather duster", for household cleaning. The rest, as they say is history. The rest of the cast are great but the stand out to me was Sheridan Smith who plays Molly, the very first woman to have "the feather duster" used on her.
Like I stated earlier, Hysteria is a very funny film that deals with serious issues and it's very well done. The fact that it's a true story makes it even better in my opinion. Scored by the talented yet lesser known in the states Gast Waltzing, the music fits perfectly. It doesn't stand out to take away from what's on the screen but that makes it hard to remember once the movie is over (not that you'll be paying attention to the music anyway). I highly recommend Hysteria if you want a good laugh while getting a history lesson this summer and I'll see you at the theater.
I walked into this movie just absolutely giddy. Yeah, yeah I know, no surprise there but this one had me more giddier (is that even a word?) than usual. It was the most eagerly, heavily anticipated, and long awaited sort of prequel to the classic movie Alien. I was armed with my killer corn and my soda and couldn't wait to get started on this journey. When the lights came up, my popcorn and soda was gone and I left the theater with way more questions than I thought I would have had once Prometheus was over. Directed and produced by the great Ridley Scott, the man who directed Alien I really thought Prometheus was going to answer one HUGE question that Alien, Aliens, Aliens3, and Alien Resurrection never did answer and that was "who was that huge guy sitting in that chair?". The answer Ridley chooses to give us is basically wait and see.
Now do NOT get me wrong, Prometheus definitely delivers on almost every front. While not as scary as Alien, there are some serious cringe worthy scenes that will make you laugh that nervous laugh. You know that laugh, it's the one you give when you're happy what's happening on the screen isn't happening to you. Yeah, there are a few of those scenes in this film but no one sitting in the audience should have been surprised by that. I know I wasn't and in fact I was looking forward to them, nothing like having the bejeezus scared out of you and Prometheus does just that thank goodness.
Starring Noomi Rapace as Dr. Elizabeth Shaw, she and fellow doctor and boyfriend Charlie Holloway played by Logan Marshall-Greene scour our planets oldest civilizations and in all of them they depict the same solar system being pointed to by a large figure. Dr. Shaw and Holloway find said universe and with the backing of Peter Weyland played by Guy Pearce, they and a crew of seventeen set out to find answers. What they find instead is some cringe worthy stuff. The cast also includes a very stoic Charlize Theron who plays uptight Meredith Vickers, a member of The Weyland Corporation who is there to make sure the job gets done, whatever that may be. Idris Elba plays Janek, captain of the exploratory Prometheus vessel. His Janek is the heart, soul, and sense of humor of this movie but without a doubt the most interesting and intriguing character is David the android played pitch perfectly by Michael Fassbender. David has a secret and separate agenda from everyone else on board but you don't know if it's related to helping the crew or destroying them.
The look of the film is beautiful. It's crisp, clean, and everything works unlike the Nostromo's landing ship in Alien. Where Alien was all grit and dirt and old/used looking, Prometheus is shiny, smooth, and fresh out the wrapper looking which of course makes sense since Prometheus supposedly predates Alien by hundreds of years. Scored by someone who is quickly joining the list of my favorite composers, Marc Streitenfeld crafts a brilliant, moody, and dark score that I think would make Jerry Goldsmith proud. Cinematographer Dariusz Wolski subtly creates a look that a true fan of Alien, Aliens, and Alien 3 quickly recognizes while bringing something new to the table (and wait until you see that table, so cool).
If you like sci-fi then go see Prometheus. If you're looking for answers, wait until the DVD or the sequel which seemingly HAS to happen. I need to see it again and I will and if you choose to check it out then I'll either see you in line or I'll see you at the theater.
When I saw the trailer for Snow White and the Huntsman I immediately put it on my "must see" list and I'm glad I did. This movie satisfied pretty much every criteria I have for me to call a movie "good" and this movie is just that, good. There's a heroin. It's finally a solid performance by Kristen Stewart, someone who has made me wonder in the past just who she has pictures of in the industry because this girl really cannot act and yet continues to get work. I'm not saying this movie makes up for all the horrid Bella Swan performances but it's a good start. There's a hero. Well there's actually two but only one with the kiss to wake the dead and that's Chris Hemsworth. Fresh off his second stint as Thor in TheAvengers, Chris does an excellent job as the grief stricken, reluctant hero. And then there's the villain and she's amazing in this movie.
Everyone knows just how talented Charlize Theron is, she's an Oscar winner for crying out loud. This performance does nothing to diminish my opinion that not only is she one of the more beautiful women walking the earth today, she is also one of the most talented actors as well. While there may have been a little over acting once or twice, it wouldn't surprise me if she were to get an Oscar nomination for her portrayal of Ravenna. Much like Will Smith in MIB3, Charlize Theron carries this film right up to the very end. Dircted by first time director (that's right ladies and gentlemen, this is his directorial debut) Rupert Sanders, the movie has an impressive and satisfying visual feel. The Dark Forest is truly dark and it's counterpart Sanctuary is truly alight with golden sunlight and fairy dust. Rupert did well thanks in large part to the great cast he had to work with.
Outside of the three main protagonists already listed the rest of the cast is made up of the likes of Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins, Ray Winstone, Eddie Marsan, and Toby Jones. Talk about a list of accomplished actors and they are only the dwarfs. Lesser known Sam Clafin plays the other hero William, Snow White's childhood friend and the talented Sam Spruell plays Finn, Ravenna's creepy obedient brother. To say Rupert did a magnificent job his first time in the directors job would be putting it lightly. Now just because you have a great cast does not a great movie make, you need a good story and who doesn't know the story of Snow White? This take on that fairytale is slightly different though.
This time around you get the sense that Ravenna has lost her mind since she's the only one the mirror talks to, voiced by Christopher Obi. She's convinced that eating her stepdaughters heart will keep her beautiful and give her immortality. Finn is sent to fetch Snow who has been imprisoned in the tower for most of her life. She escapes Finn's clutches and flees into the dark forest. Ravenna wants someone who knows how to navigate the dark forest to find Snow and bring her back. Chris is hired for the job and makes quick work of it because the Queen promises him something he wants more than gold. Basically this aint't your grandma's Snow White (sorry, I just always wanted to say something like that).
Beautifully shot from the sky to the ground by cinematographer Greig Fraser there isn't a frame of Snow White that's off. Scored lushly by James Newton Howard who seems to be back on his game after his truly bad score for The Hunger Games, a score that was directionless and forgetful. This time around he creates gentle and frightening themes along with heroic charges. The score is both dark and light which fits the images perfectly. I highly recommend this movie and think it's one worth seeing even if you despise Kristen Stewart. Go see it for Charlize because believe me, she's worth the price of admission all on her own and I'll see you at the theater.
If you are anything like me then you were like "fuck Men In Black 3 cause Men In Black 2 SUCKED". You can admit it, you're safe here, we're all friends. Barry Sonnenfeld won't come and slap you to the floor, he thought MIB2 sucked too and HE directed it. I don't know what drew me, compelled me to see MIB3 but there I was, online for tickets, then online for my killer popcorn, then online to get seats. Honestly I thought all that standing in line was going to be a waste of time because I honestly thought MIB3 was going to truly suck but I was wrong (hey I've been wrong before, not often but it has happened once or twice). Most surprisingly, MIB3 was a pretty good movie with a great payoff at the end. It's apparent to me that the people who wrote MIB2 were slain and the producers found new writers to pen MIB3 (and if they didn't, they should have).
The movie opens up with a cake being delivered in jail by a very fetching Nicole Sherzinger to Boris the Animal. Boris is played by the hilarious Jemaine Clement who I will always associate with musical comedy group Flight of the Conchords. If you have no idea who they are then shame on you (Youtube em). Boris breaks out of prison and is hell bent on revenge against Tommy Lee Jones' Agent K for taking off one of his arms. To keep that from ever happening Boris plans to go back in time to kill K and prevent him from setting up the ark net that keeps earth safe from Boris' people who wish to invade our planet. Agent J, that would be Will Smith knows something is up and is all about finding out just what is going on. He finds out that he has to go back in time, to 1969 to be exact to not only save K but to make sure the ark net gets deployed. Let the racist stereotypes and hilarity ensue.
Going back in time, Agent J gets to meet the younger Agent K who is played perfectly by Josh Brolin. He does a great Tommy Lee impersonation. Also in this film is Agent O played by the lovely Emma Thompson who takes the place of Zed. That's pretty much it for the key cast members but don't even notice that because Will carries this movie like Atlas. He's in virtually every shot of Barry's movie and it's a good thing too because without Will and his hijinks, this movie falls completely apart. He's the glue, the heart, and the engine that makes this puppy go. There's way too much CG but then you'd expect that in a film about an organization that polices extra-terrestrials here on earth. Scored yet again by the talentless Danny Elfman, he gives MIB3 the same feel that he gave to the two previous MIB films (and no one wants to be associated with the second one).
All in all MIB3 is a quality film even if Will looks like he wishes he were somewhere else at times. I recommend it because I'm pretty sure you won't be sorry you saw it. Plus the ending of this film will almost help you get over the bad taste that 2 left in your mouth. I swear and I'll see you at the theater.
It's been awhile since I've posted on a film but that doesn't mean I haven't seen all the latest Hollywood offerings. I have, I just wasn't moved or impressed by any of them enough to include them in my blog. Today, I was both moved and impressed by a movie whose trailer literally made me laugh out loud when I saw it. It's an award winning French film that I honestly think may be the feel good movie of the year. The film is The Intouchables and it's based on an amazing true story of a wealthy quadriplegic and a passionate, streetwise aid. Phillipe, played by the charming Francois Cluzet is a complicated man, seemingly seldom understood by friends and at times even himself. The enigmatic Driss is played pitch perfectly by the talented Omar Sy. You get the sensation that Driss could tear the head off of someones shoulders at any moment and yet his innocence keeps a smile on your face and you find yourself rooting for him. Omar's wide smile didn't hurt either.
The story starts out with Driss and Phillipe breaking the law. From there the story is one big flashback of the times these two men spent together, and apart. Driss, just paroled needs to have a work order signed and storms into the interviewing Phillipe and his assistant Magalie played by the lovely Audrey Fluerot. Some of the biggest laughs came from the interviewing montage by the way but the second Driss walks in, taking someone else's turn Phillipe is intrigued. The two argue over the composer Berlioz and hit it off almost right away. Phillipe places a wager with Driss that he won't last two weeks and so the adventure begins. Phillipe's actions are immediately questioned by a family friend once word has spread and he was warned that the street kids can't be trusted, they are ruthless, and show no pity. It's in Phillipe's answer that you finally see why he was so taken by Driss. He tells his friend that this is exactly what he wants, "no pity".
Directed well by Olivier Nakache and Eric Toledano, The Intouchables is a film that never takes itself too seriously, littered with characters you enjoy seeing on screen when they arrive. One of my favorites was the level headed Marcelle played by Clotilde Mollet. Olivier and Eric also spare you the obligatory Paris shots that you get from any movie shot in Paris. Thank goodness there are no Eiffel Tower shots and do we really need to see the arch de triumph yet again? Scored beautifully by Ludovico Einaudi's sparse piano this is a movie I think is really worth the price of admission and I just might have to see it again, yes, it was THAT good. It wouldn't surprise me were it to win the Oscar next year for best foreign film. I'll put my money on it and if you see it, I am certain you will agree. And maybe I'll even see you online, either way I'll see you at the theater.
If you want to see a really funny film, love hockey, or love the classic Paul Newman hockey film Slap Shot then you need to go see Goon. Arriving just in time for the hockey playoffs in the theaters or on itunes, Goon is much more than the title suggests. It's a film filled with surprising heart, courage, and loyalty. Make no mistakes though, there is a ton of violence in this movie and it more than lives up to its leading title. Hey, any hockey movie that begins with blood on the ice and ends with blood on the ice is a pretty damn good hockey movie in my opinion.
Now a movie I recently saw made me scratch my head as far as casting was concerned. The issues I had with that previous film I certainly didn't have with this one, casting was PERFECT!. Goon stars Sean William Scott as Doug "The Thug" Glatt, a simpleton with a heart of gold, think Forrest Gump on skates and you know where I'm headed. His best friend is Ryan played hilariously by Jay Baruchel (who is also credited as a co-writer, yes the guy from the insipid She's out of My League and The Sorcerer's Apprentice movies). Playing Doug's disappointed dad is the rejuvenated Eugene Levy, the love interest is the adorable Alison Pill (who was hilarious in Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World), and the main rival of Doug is handled brilliantly by Liev Schreiber. The rest of the cast falls lock step in behind these terrific actors and they too are all very good.
This movie is based on a true story which knowing hockey makes all the sense in the world. Simple minded Doug is a bouncer at a bar and his best friend who runs his own cable access hockey TV show takes Doug to a minor league hockey game. Doug, enjoying his corn dogs suddenly has to come to his friends defense when a hockey player from the visiting team climbs out of the penalty box and marches up the stands looking for Ryan's blood. Doug smashes the player so hard the coach of the home team wants Doug to tryout, after laying waste to many of his own teammates at said tryout he earns a spot on the team. The movie just gets better and better from that point on.
The violence is SO plentiful and shot so well that it becomes almost epic, almost operatic even. Wrapped up in all that violence though is a losing hockey team that-with the help of Doug-rediscovers their passion for the game and that they are a team, not just a collection of some really warped individuals. Doug wins everybody over with his politeness and his extreme dedication and loyalty to his team. Deftly directed by relative newcomer Michael Dowse, Goon will keep you laughing and cringing at the same time but it's official, it's one hell of a ride and I highly recommend it. I'll see you at the theater.
